There’s big local ‘Bachelor’ news. I’ve never seen it. My idiot’s guide for watching.
Get ready to gasp. I’ve never seen “The Bachelor.”
Up until about 5 minutes ago, I’d never heard of Matt James, among the show’s most recognizable stars, even though we inhabit the same city and frequent the same Char-Grill.
We might have shared an elevator, stood in line for coffee or both reached for the same bunch of broccoli at Harris Teeter — and while I’m daydreaming about a new moisture barrier for my crawlspace, he’s thinking, “This old fool better not ask for a selfie.”
Crazy as it sounds, I had no idea that his mother, Patty James of Durham, had also appeared on the show, famously advising her son that “Love fades.” So naturally, when news just broke that mom would appear in a seniors-only spin-off called “The Golden Bachelor,” vying for the affections of a 71-year-old widower from Indiana, my editor made the obvious call:
You write it. From an idiot’s perspective. Lean into your cluelessness.
An outsider to ‘Bachelor’ Nation
Sometimes, a phenomenon is best explained by an outsider, like when my Charlotte Observer colleague Theoden Janes attended his first and last Grateful Dead-related show this summer, in which he compared John Mayer’s guitar face to “the one I wear when I accidentally touch my eye right after de-seeding a jalapeno by hand.”
So in that neophyte spirit, I’m going to explain why the freshest development in this 20-year spectacle of a matchmaking show merits your attention. And I’m going to call on a pair of superfans in the newsroom whose desks sit within shouting distance: Brooke Cain, The N&O’s service journalism editor, and Drew Hill, its audience growth producer.
First off, what am I in for?
Brooke: It’s a journey. It’s like one of those nature shows where the weakest animal gets pecked to death.
So after some of their explaining, I learn that this season centers around one Gerry Turner, who I’m told is a septuagenarian with a hearing aid on the hunt for a snowy-haired sweetheart.
I’m picturing the guy from “Up,” but when I see a picture, this supposed old man looks like a soap opera star carved out of cocoa butter. If this guy’s 71, I’m this year’s prom king.
Drew: He’s adorable. He has great hair.
Brooke: When I saw the photo, I thought, ‘I would date him,’ but then he started talking. Whatever voice you think is going to come out of his mouth does not come out. He’s just a dorky Midwestern Dad.
Golden-age bachelorettes
Then there’s the field of eligible golden-age bachelorettes, led by Patty James. Out of the field of 22, The N&O’s odds-makers put her very near the bottom. If Gerry is manufactured Midwestern wholesome, Patty is worldly femme fatale.
Drew: I don’t think she’s a good match for Gerry. She’s a lot.
Brooke: She still looks like Celine Dion.
Drew: She’s a little mean. She’s a little ... claws.
Brooke: She’s a little glittery.
Drew: I just want Gerry to be happy.
Mixed feelings on Matt James and his mom
A lot of this rancor and doubt stems from James’ earlier appearances during her son’s turn on “The Bachelor,” in which he was the first Black contestant. Just so you know, the two of them left viewers with mixed feelings.
Drew: I thought he was so sweet. And then you got to know him.
Brooke: He was made in a factory. Prayed with the women. I thought it was all an act.
Drew: I just remember that video that showed him in a restaurant with his shoes off.
Brooke: And he always kissed with his eyes open.
So that’s about it.
I expected to come away from this column feeling slightly dirty.
Instead, I feel like a more expansive person, richer for the experience — not unlike the feeling I got in February, when my nephew Quin asked me to attend his 5th birthday party at a monster truck rally.
I’m not busy most Monday nights, so I just might tune in. Dorky dads need all the support they can find.
‘The Golden Bachelor’
“The Golden Bachelor,” featuring Durham’s Patty James, airs at 8 p.m. on ABC, starting Sept. 28.
This story was originally published September 4, 2023 at 6:00 AM with the headline "There’s big local ‘Bachelor’ news. I’ve never seen it. My idiot’s guide for watching.."