This weather report comes complete with our live Dual Doppler 5000, which has been marked down — just for the weekend — from our live Dual Doppler 7500. Shipping is free.
The morning will see high pressure to get out of bed, particularly if you set the alarm for 10 minutes later than usual and hit the snooze button four times, the last time setting a record for this date. Expect some pockets of fog and difficult viewing conditions early until you can find your eyeglasses. There’s a 60 percent chance you left them in the car but that will diminish to a 40 percent chance later in the day after you check out the car’s glove compartment and find only gloves.
Before noon, it will be partly sunny, followed by partly cloudy, which is pretty much the same thing if you are left-handed. The weather then will change abruptly, as a ridge of high pressure ushers in a ridge of low pressure, which, in turn, ushers in a ridge of medium pressure, which will give us enough ushers in case any formal function like a wedding crops up.
Early afternoon, we may have a few widely scattered showers, particularly for those who go to the gym at midday to play a little co-rec basketball or take a Pilates class. If you’re planning on any outdoor activity, like a picnic, be aware that there is a chance those afternoon storms could bring hail and high winds, or at least a potato salad.
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As that low-pressure system moves in from the southwest, it may carry with it some salsa instead of ketchup, as clouds full of condiments begin to gather. The rest of the afternoon and the early evening should be mostly cloudy and breezy with a hint of thunder and just a dash of cilantro.
Overnight will bring lower temperatures, because that’s what happens at night when there’s no sun to warm things. We could have a stormy, uncomfortable night, but most likely you’ll be sleeping, so what does it matter?
The highs during the day will be in the mid-80s to 90s and definitely warmer than the lows. Tomorrow morning, there will be a noticeable drop in the humidity levels while the barometric pressure eases off and the temperature-humidity index gets completely confused.
Looking ahead, an upper-level disturbance that’s now hovering over the upper Mississippi River Valley because it can’t get a flight out of O’Hare could be heading our way. So for the rest of the week, expect to see occasional patchy rain, the infrequent blizzard, some torrential cyclones, horribly freezing temperatures, a sporadic monsoon or two, hail stones as big as hail stones, intense heat waves and the sky dripping with locusts.
By the end of the week, the National Weather Service says there’s a chance of Friday.
As always, the long-range forecast suggests you make sure you have your umbrella with you at all times. Except when you actually need it.
Neil Offen can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Past columns can be found at www.theneiloffencolumn.wordpress.com.