The teacher's smile is genuine when she sees them coming. She introduces herself to each one at the doorway, handing them all giant pencils with clowns on top, and invites them to look around the room. Then, turning to Mom and Dad:
"Well, Ms. Smith, I'm happy to have little Ashley this year ... Yes, I can see she's a gifted child ... well, we really can't refrigerate all of the children's lunches, so ... yes, lots of children bring those tuna salad Lunchables ... heavens, no, I promise Ashley won't get ptomaine poisoning this year, but they package those Lunchables so that ... never mind, I'll be sure Ashley's lunch is refrigerated.
"Mr. and Mrs. Jones, I'm so happy little Jordan's in my class ... yes, I definitely remember his big brother, Jeremy ... oh, no, I was out of the cast in six weeks ... You say Jordan takes after his brother? Oh, my, isn't that nice ... and gifted as well? My goodness ... excuse me one second. Lemar, dear, take the bunny off Heather's head and put him back in his cage, please. Thank you, Lemar.
"Oh, Mrs. Brown and little Shawna. What's wrong, sweetheart? ... Your big brother told you I had dragon teeth? ... well, sweetie, see? My teeth are just like yours ... yes, I know they're yellow, but they aren't dragon teeth, are they? ... a genius, Mrs. Brown? ... isn't that something?
"Hello, Mr. Jackson, and this is Fergie, right? Welcome, Fergie, go right in ... excuse me a minute. Jordan, can you take your finger out of your nose for me? Thank you, dear, and there's a nice sink to wash our hands, OK? ... So, Mr. Jackson, I see that Fergie is carrying a blanket of some sort ... oh, yes, the brilliant ones do have their quirks, but ... no, I wouldn't dream of damaging his psyche.
"Hi, Ms. Thomas, and Bethanne? ... yes, Ms. Thomas, there's a bathroom right down the hall, and the children have plenty of chances to go ... yes, I understand, especially the older I get, and Bethanne will certainly not be punished for needing to go ... well, no, potty-training isn't part of the curriculum, but ... of course, I would never hurt her self-esteem ... excuse me. Fergie, sweetie, please don't eat the glue ... thank you, dear.
"And here's Marva ... darlin', what is it? ... honey, I promise we won't let you get on the wrong bus, OK? ... yes, your sister got on a bus and never came home, but that's because she went to college, Marva ... no, I know you don't want to go to college, Marva, don't you worry ... yes, Ms. Green, Marva certainly does seem extraordinarily bright...
"Now, everybody, let's take a seat ... no, Shawna, I can't show Betsy my yellow teeth right now ... Yes, Ashley, your lunch is in the refrigerator ... Bethanne, do you have to go? ... Well, go anyway."
At the end of the day, the teacher collapses in her chair and fishes from her desk a note her mother put in her own lunchbox a long time ago:
Dear Darling Daughter,
Have a great day at school. I know it seems like a big, scary place, but I promise that soon it will seem like you've been there forever. Be sure to keep your nametag on, and don't speak to crazy people or rough-looking boys. But, smile at the girls, except the stuck-up ones.
If you get lost, FIND THE GYM. The teachers in the gym are always cheerful, and even though they're lost most of the time, too, they'll be fun to talk to. Which reminds me: never leave anything important in the dressing room, especially your house key. I won't spend the school year changing our locks ... again.
Always say, Yes, sir and No, ma'am, as you were taught, and be respectful of teachers and administrators. They may be wrong about everything, but they're still human beings.
Eat your lunch, and don't trade it for Jelly Bellies, broken whistles, or dying goldfish, like last year.
When school is out, go to the LEFT parking lot. Don't go to the right, or they'll put you on a bus and I'll never see you again. You know you'll have homework tonight, but no whining! When you're finished, we'll have a strawberry sundae.
See you at 3:30. Now, head up, shoulders back, and smile! Hey, you're the one who wanted to be a teacher.
Love, Mom
Vicki Wentz is a local writer and speaker, and a Chapel Hill teacher. Readers may contact her at chh@heraldsun.com, or c/o The Chapel Hill Herald, 106 Mallette St., Chapel Hill, NC, 27516.
