dvaughan@heraldsun.com; 419-6563
DURHAM – Fathers are part of the flock in congregations, but is fatherhood? How can faith communities engage and support fathers?
The Durham Early Childhood Faith Initiative sponsored a lunch and learn last week about “Getting Fathers Involved with Young Children.” Fathers, or father figures, can make an impact on a child’s brain development in a unique way.
That impact is different than moms, said speaker Jeff Quinn of Duke’s Center for Child and Family Policy.
It’s not about quantity of time, he said, but quality. About one in three children in the U.S. – 24 million – don’t see their fathers on a regular basis, or at all, Quinn said.
He said that quality over quantity counts because even if the father doesn’t live in the home, quality time with a father figure can have more of an impact than a dad at home that just logs hours and is there rather than engaging with the child.
“Engagement is the key,” said Quinn, himself a father of a toddler. Engagement is about expressing warmth, responsibility, nurturance, positive reinforcement and use of language, he said.
Fathers’ impact on socio-emotional development of children from birth to age 3 are factors in a child’s socializing, being emotionally secure and confident, having higher self-esteem, lower risk for depression later, higher language abilities, educational attainment and school readiness. Even children at risk for developmental delays are more likely to make up the gap or be further along than anticipated if they have engaged fathers or father figures, Quinn said.
Fathers are facing changing social norms, Quinn said, and a lot of dads think they need to come to fatherhood with everything in place – education, job and money.
“You don’t have to have everything to be perfect – just be there for your child,” Quinn said.
If having a father around is so important to early childhood development, how can congregations make that happen?
Quinn recommends congregations be more inclusive to fathers when they talk about parents, appeal to dads’ strengths, have fatherhood support systems and have events where fathers interact together rather than sitting in a class.
The Rev. Linzie B. Atkins III, pastor of Lincoln Memorial Baptist Church, said that at Lincoln they have opportunities for men to be present together, including a male chorus and ushers on Sundays. Men are role models of behavior as fathers, and the church also tries to promote positive images of fathers because children do not want to think their fathers don’t care about them.
In Atkins’ own life, his father was absent but his mother spoke positively of him. Atkins knew the truth, but her attitude helped when Atkins needed to turn to his dad after her death when he was 15. Atkins is a father of three – two grown daughters and a teenage son – and a father figure to his granddaughter.
The Rev. Joe Hensley of St. Luke’s Episcopal Church is a father of four young children – three living and one who passed away. He suggested that clergy make fatherhood and parenting part of premarital discussion and encourage dads to take an active role.
He said that some things at St. Luke’s to support fathers included having a Parent’s Morning Out rather than calling it a Mother’s Morning Out. They also installed changing tables in the men’s restrooms. They’re trying to recruit a dad to the nursery committee and finding other ways for dads to contribute to children’s activities.
“As a father, I knew I’d be involved, but I didn’t know how much it would transform me,” Hensley said.
