Neil Offen: Developing a new vocabulary, or DANV

Feb. 16, 2014 @ 05:17 PM

OMG, BTW, ICYMI you can LOL at this POW.

Yeah, I don’t have any idea what any of that means either.
While I’m generally proficient with real words, words that have syllables and, you know, meaning, in a world where communications are limited to 140 characters or a thumb or two, I am out of it — or OOI.
And I know I’m not the only one — NTOO.
But I see no reason why we should let texting, tweeting and Facebooking, whatever that is, be ruled by those too young to remember Paul McCartney’s band after the Beatles. What we really need is communications shorthand for other generations — later, more mature generations.
I just happen to have some suggestions here.
MKH: My knees hurt.
IDWTHAYSWWTAMK: I don’t want to hear about your stent when we’re talking about my knees.
GADAT: Got a doctor’s appointment today.
SOOTN: Specialist, out of the network.
DYSTOTM: Did you see the obits this morning?
WKHWOFS: Who knew he was only 57?
WWTNOTMHWI: What was the name of that movie he was in? Not the one with the bank robbery in Greece. The murder case in San Francisco.
YAWHMTWHN: Yeah, and wasn’t he married to what’s-her-name?
YISWBG: Yes, I still watch baseball games.
NIDSWE: No, I don’t sleep well either.
AYKHTPI: Ask your kids how to program it.
IFMP: I forgot my password.
OCLDTSOCMNTN: Of course let’s do the seven o’clock movie, not the nine.
WCEFBWOFTG: We can eat first, but watch out for the gluten.
CYBIBFYSTBWOES: Can you believe it’s been fifty years since the Beatles were on the Ed Sullivan show?
INLTGE: I never liked Topo Gigio either.
WK: What’s kale?
WKP: Who’s Katy Perry?
ITD: I’ll take decaf.
OHT (IYHS): Or herbal tea (If you have Sleepytime).
GGAFTD: Gotta go and find the defribillator.
SWAKS: Sealed with a kidney stone.
Neil Offen can be reached at