Neil Offen: Your 2012 trivia contest, with trivial answers
Think you know 2012? Spent the whole year there? Or were you too busy posting twitterpics?
In case you missed the year — and have an excuse note from your personal trainer — here’s a 2012 trivia contest, focusing on the most trivial things you did or didn’t do during the year now ending.
Answers at the bottom (because if we put them at the top, this would be “Jeopardy,” and we’d have to pay royalties).
1. What were the books you didn’t finish reading during 2012?
2. How many rooms in the house didn’t you clean up this year?
3. What was longer — your to-do list at the beginning of the year or your to-do list at the end of the year?
4. Name the skill you were going to learn during the year — but didn’t, because you spent too much time on Facebook trying to find out if kids you went to high school with ever made anything of themselves and are going to better parties.
5. Name the three old friends you said you were going to get in touch with during the year but still haven’t.
6. Why did you spend too much money on buying a new pair of sneakers during the year?
7. Who promised to train for a half-marathon road race during 2012 but tried to improve his cardio-vascular capacity with online solitaire instead?
1. Once again, “War and Peace” was the book you almost thought you might have read, although making it through the war part before you started on “Crime and Punishment” does give you some credit, although it’s only misdemeanor credit.
2. The answer is three. Cleaning out the garage by moving everything up to the upstairs closet then cleaning out the upstairs closet by moving everything to the downstairs bathroom definitely counts as three, if you count the way I count.
3. The end-of-year to-do list is always longer because during the year you again learned the key to to-do lists, which is always put things you know you can do — like brushing your teeth and sleeping — on them. That way, you can revel in the accomplishment of crossing them off the list, unless you wake up really early in the morning.
4. Eating doesn’t count as a skill. Eating sushi might.
5. Sending people whom you can barely remember invitations to “join your network” on Linked-In doesn’t count as reaching out.
6. If the sneakers you bought had leather uppers, micro-explosion techtonic arches and know what the word pronate means and how to use it in a sentence, you don’t have to call them sneakers, which allows the price to go up.
7. The answer would, unfortunately, be me, except I’m definitely putting that on my to-do list for the new year and will get to it right after I finish reading “War and Peace.”
Neil Offen can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or by telephone at 919-419-6646.