Columnist: Neil Offen

Apr. 12, 2015 @ 02:23 PM

Neil Offen: Taxed to the limit

Begin with Line 7 (As everyone knows, Lines 1 through 6 are only for chumps) — Enter wages, salaries, tips, coins found in bottom of vending machines and the $5.02 check you just got for being a member of a class action lawsuit that you had no idea you were a member of. Attach Forms W2, 1099, 1099 E, 1099 R and W3 EZ, which isn’t.


Apr. 05, 2015 @ 02:30 PM

Neil Offen: Booted out, 1965-2015

My Frye boots, big, bulky and battered, the oldest living household survivor of the 1960s, passed away peacefully April 2, 2015 after a long period of increasing obsolescence and occasional embarrassment when I tried to put them on.


Mar. 29, 2015 @ 03:16 PM

Neil Offen: A whirl around the financial world

The Neil Offen Column yesterday posted strong first quarter results that breezed past Wall Street’s extremely low expectations and even surprised some family members who haven’t laughed in months. In a conference call with analysts, Neil Offen Column CEO Neil Offen, citing those results, told Wall Street, “nana nana boo boo and so’s your old man.”


Mar. 22, 2015 @ 03:13 PM

Neil Offen: A walk on the wild side

An update on my training progress for The Great Saunter, a 32-mile, 12-hour walk around the perimeter of Manhattan island that I have registered for while under the influence of extreme stupidity. (I also blame my 25-year-old daughter, who has 25-year-old legs and feet, and who said, during a conversation, “We can do this.” I think she was talking to her legs and feet.)


Mar. 15, 2015 @ 03:05 PM

Neil Offen: Jump right into the pool

Over the next few weeks, people who have absolutely no idea what a bracket is and whether you need a Phillips screwdriver to attach one, will fill out the names of dozens of men’s college basketball teams without having a clue as to what they are doing or why they are doing it.


Mar. 08, 2015 @ 05:43 PM

Neil Offen: The book on booking a flight

Please key in the airport from which you want to depart. If you don’t know or can’t figure out the code letters for the airport, we will assign you three letters at random and you may have to leave from Bogota, Columbia.


Mar. 01, 2015 @ 03:03 PM

Neil Offen: Off to a running head start

Although I am not, at this time, a candidate for president in 2016, I have decided to create an exploratory committee that will explore ways I can avoid saying I am a candidate for president in 2016.


Feb. 22, 2015 @ 03:07 PM

Neil Offen: Turning the page on the Internet (sort of)

A few days ago, just as I was all geared up to waste a few hours on mindless digital drivel, my Internet went down.


Feb. 15, 2015 @ 12:03 PM

Neil Offen: A foodie’s delectable dictionary

Even though I am a card-carrying “foodie” who was eating food and carrying cards before it became cool, there are a number of foods and dishes that I never heard of before about March 23, 2008. Fortunately, I have done my research, which I am more than willing to share.


Feb. 08, 2015 @ 03:25 PM

Neil Offen: The tale of the tapes

Some years ago, just in time for them to become useless, I bought a number of audio cassette music tapes. It was part of my long-standing tradition of hopping on board a new technological trend at the precise moment the trend was ending.


Feb. 01, 2015 @ 04:27 PM

Neil Offen: Why ‘tiring’ is root of retiring

Someone recently asked me what do I do now that I am, technically, retired. I don’t play golf. I don’t trade stocks. I don’t complain (at least very much) about how my back hurts. So how do I spend my time? How do I fill my days? Why does retired sound like you are just getting tired again? Here’s my answer.


Jan. 25, 2015 @ 06:04 PM

The late show or, never ever early

Now, I’m not naming any names here —except, of course, for the repeated references to my wife, Carol — but there are certain people who just can’t seem to be on time.


Jan. 18, 2015 @ 06:21 PM

Neil Offen: A winter weather advisory

This is a winter weather advisory for the surrounding region and all those who can’t remember that yes, you do turn in the direction of the skid even if it does seem counter-intuitive.


Jan. 15, 2015 @ 12:38 PM

Makeup days set for DPS students

Students who attend DPS schools operating on a traditional calendar will make up Wednesday's missed day of classes on Jan. 20, which had been scheduled as a teacher workday.


Jan. 11, 2015 @ 11:59 AM

Neil Offen: The state of my state

My fellow Americans, including most Red Sox fans, I am here today to once again report on the state of my union.