Columnist: Neil Offen

Jan. 25, 2015 @ 06:04 PM

The late show or, never ever early

Now, I’m not naming any names here —except, of course, for the repeated references to my wife, Carol — but there are certain people who just can’t seem to be on time.


Jan. 18, 2015 @ 06:21 PM

Neil Offen: A winter weather advisory

This is a winter weather advisory for the surrounding region and all those who can’t remember that yes, you do turn in the direction of the skid even if it does seem counter-intuitive.


Jan. 15, 2015 @ 12:38 PM

Makeup days set for DPS students

Students who attend DPS schools operating on a traditional calendar will make up Wednesday's missed day of classes on Jan. 20, which had been scheduled as a teacher workday.


Jan. 11, 2015 @ 11:59 AM

Neil Offen: The state of my state

My fellow Americans, including most Red Sox fans, I am here today to once again report on the state of my union.

 

Jan. 04, 2015 @ 03:45 PM

Neil Offen: Either way, it was a wash

While growing up, I was deprived. I spent much of my youth without a dishwasher.


Dec. 28, 2014 @ 06:06 PM

Neil Offen: It was a very good year ... I think

It was a year to remember, and I wish I could. I know I put it somewhere. And I’m pretty sure I had it when I walked into the room, if I could just remember which room I walked into.


Dec. 21, 2014 @ 06:40 PM

Neil Offen: A high-tech holiday in verse

’Twas the Monday before Christmas,

when all through the manse,

not a hashtag was stirring, no tweets had a chance.


Dec. 14, 2014 @ 03:36 PM

Neil Offen: Walk this way

 Neil Offen: Walk this way


Dec. 07, 2014 @ 01:43 PM

Neil Offen: Sick of it

I don’t get sick. I never get sick. That is, of course, what all of us say when we actually do get sick


Nov. 30, 2014 @ 01:08 PM

Neil Offen: A question of security

To make sure you are not a robot, an Uzbekistani hacker or an 11-year-old computer geek living down the block with too much time on his hands, please answer the following security questions before we can allow you to access your account.


Nov. 23, 2014 @ 02:41 PM

Neil Offen: A feast to remember

Last year, the night before Thanksgiving, our oven exploded. That was not in the recipe.

This year, as preparation for the big day, I’ve developed a terrible November cold which has exploded all over my nose and lungs. This, too, was not in the recipe we saw in “Joy of Cooking” nor did we see it in “Joy of Coughing.”


Nov. 16, 2014 @ 05:24 PM

Offen: I did it by myself. Unfortunately

Do it yourself is fine unless I’m doing it myself. Yourself is probably much better.

 

Nov. 09, 2014 @ 06:40 PM

Offen: Another medical advancement

Welcome to your new electronic health records portal, ushering in a new generation of high-tech medicinal confusion. Here you will have immediate access to all the frustration and time-wasting that in the past you could only get by going directly to the doctor’s office.

 

Nov. 02, 2014 @ 04:23 PM

Offen: Let the record show

It’s time we stand by our records, so let the record show that my opponent has pulled the wings off insects.

 

Oct. 26, 2014 @ 05:08 PM

Offen: Dance to the music

Not too long ago, at a celebratory event, I found myself dancing with my young adult daughter. Afterward, as I was receiving oxygen, my daughter said she wanted to tell me something.