Out here workin’ for the do-re-mi

Oct. 23, 2013 @ 09:18 PM

Good morning, boys and girls!  My name is Ms. Wentz, and I’m here to teach you music while your teacher is out, and I’m so excited to see you all! And, this is my kindergarten class, is that right? Well, my goodness, you look much older than that -- you look as big as the bigger kids! We’re going to have so much fun today because -- Yes, dear?
“Uummm, I went in a airplane yesterday -- I mean, not yesterday, but three or 7 days ago I went on a airplane and I went to see my old babysitter and her name is Kelly and I looked outside the airplane and saw clouds and I wanted to go out from the airplane and step on the clouds and--”
Wow, that sounds amazing (Lord, please tell me I brought my Aleve, cause I can feel it comin’). You know, one of the songs we’re going to sing today is about the stars, and they’re up in the sky, too, aren’t they? Now -- Yes?
“Weelll, I saw Briana at the airport because I was going on a airplane too but we went to see my Grandma she’s in Florida and she gots a new car and she does karate and she had a operation with her leg I mean her head and--”
Oh, dear, that’s too bad, but listen, guys, Ms. DoReMi has given us a lot to do today (Please, seven new songs plus ‘interpretive movements’? Are you kidding me with this?) so I think we’d better get busy and -- OK, I see lots of hands, but how about if you only keep your hand up if you have a question? Can you do that? Good, I see some hands going down. But, you still have a question, son? 
“Uummm, I never went on a airplane before.”
Huh. Well, that’s really interesting, but that’s not really a question, is it? So, yes, I see your hand, darlin’, do you have a real question? You do? OK, then...
“Ariel said shut up to me.”
Oh, now, that’s not a nice thing to say, is it? I like ‘Be quiet’ better, but still, not exactly a question, so how about we all put our hands down, because even though I’d love to talk to y’all all day (seriously, if the Aleve is not in my backpack, I swear I will lock this door and hide under the piano the rest of the day) but we gotta get busy!
First, we’re supposed to have Sharing Day! So, does anyone in the first row have something they’d like to share today? That’s great, come on up, sweetie! Are you going to sing for us? 
What’s the name of the song you’ll be singing?
(Nothing. Swaying, smiling shyly, fingertips pulling on lower teeth.)
Honey?  You know, you’re going to sing much better without your hands in your mouth, ha ha. Darlin’, can you talk to me?
So, are you ready?
Do you want to sit down?
OK, so it looks like Lily wasn’t quite ready yet, so would someone else like to come up and share today? Wow, that’s wonderful, so many hands! How about you, young lady? Would you like to share?
“No, but Ariel said shut up to me again.”
OK, which one of you is Ariel?
“She’s my big sister.”
Huh. So, she’s not in here?
“No, silly, she’s at fifth grade!” (Huge laughs -- evidently I kill in kindergarten.)
“Uummm, a song my Mommy plays in the car all day it’s called “Maybe Next Time He’ll Think Before He Cheats.”
Oh, my goodness, well, I’m sure you sing it really well, but I think we’d better find another song instead because that one might not be appropriate -- for school, I mean, not for your mommy! Do you have another one you could sing for us? (OK, there is no freakin’ way we’re gonna learn ONE of those seven songs, never mind ‘interpretive movements’ ... unless you count ‘walking Ms. Wentz to the nurse’ as an interpretive movement.)
“Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are, up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky!...”
Well, that was wonderful!
“She didn’t finish it!” 
Well, maybe she wanted to end it there. I think it was lovely!
“But, it goes twinkle twinkle little star--”
Now, now, I think some of us have forgotten our audience manners. Does the audience say bad things about someone’s performance, or good things?
That’s right. So, who’s next? All right, young man, step right up!
“I gonna play the bass drum!” 
(You have GOT to be kidding me!)

Vicki Wentz is a local writer, teacher and speaker.  Readers may contact her at chh@heraldsun.com, or visit her website, www.vickiwentz.com